Doing Christmas the German way.

What to expect on Christmas: family, food, alcohol and tradition.

Now times that by 10 and you will have what you should expect on a German Christmas. 

This includes: cousins I have never met, sour meat, another shot of schnapps I didn't need - followed by midnight mass.

Let's start with the family. Every year my father, the German enforcer, convinces us that instead of staying home and relaxing we should find some kind of German community to celebrate with.

Sometimes we can get away with making a weekend trip to the Turn Verein (the German stronghold of downtown Sacramento, located at 3349 J Street). 

Each year, shortly after Thanksgiving, the Turn Verein holds a two-day Christkindlmarkt, which is basically just a party with German performers, German food, German drinks and many booths selling German things. Shocking, I know.

Other times, like last Christmas, the Turn Verein wasn't enough for the pops. So he decided Munich was the place to be. Although it may sound like he dragged the family to Europe, I was on his side in the argument to travel abroad for the holidays. Any traveling to a new place is okay by me.

Nonetheless, after the trip to Germany I was exhausted and wished that I had stayed home for winter break to catch up on some much needed sleep and relaxation. Also, I semi-regretted that I was unable to see any of my close friends, who came home from school for the holidays. Instead I met a ton of new people and by people I mean relatives that I didn't know existed.

The food and alcohol involved in Christmas festivities can be grouped together, because much of the cooking requires alcohol as an ingredient according to my German relatives. And if alcohol isn't in the instructions then drinking alcohol while cooking is definitely in order, they assured me.

My favorite part about the Germans is that they use the excuse "it's good for digestion" after every shot of schnapps. The problem being, that they take a shot after every bite. A problem or a gift? That's yet to be decided. 

From weisswurst and sauerbraten to slivovitz and radler, whether it's in Munich or at the Turn Verein, the amount of meat and alcohol consumed at any German Christmas is just about more than I can handle.

I remember one Christmas in particular we flew to Chibougamau, Canada to celebrate with some German relatives. At dinner, my grandma's sister, who has Alzheimer's, grabbed my arm, begin swinging side-to-side - singing a German drinking song and refusing to quit until the entire table had it memorized.

She would then turn to me and say, "This is my first schnopps, right?" 

Her daughter across the table would quickly respond, "Grandma, that's your seventh."

"SEVENTH! Who let me have seven schnopps?!...Well I'd better have another," she'd say.

But what would a German Christmas be without tradition. Perhaps my favorite and the most useless tradition adopted by my family (which is not necessarily of German descent) is attending midnight mass every Christmas Eve. 

After a dinner full of meat and alcohol (as mentioned above), my family thinks the perfect way to top off a night is to fill a pew at the nearest Catholic church...and take a nap.

At first I protested the midnight mass tradition because I didn't understand why one night was worthy of church service when we didn't attend any other night of the year - but then I realized my family's real motive. Whether they'd like to admit it or not, every time we sit down for the midnight mass, my entire family passes out (some even snore).

I know you expected for the tradition to be of Christmas cheer and German derivations, but sometimes that's what make traditions so great - they're weird. And in fact, that's what makes Christmases so great - each family celebrates differently and with a different caliber of weird.

Like my family, who celebrates the German way, with unfamiliar Germans, German meat, German drinks and not so German traditions.